Living in Miracles

What is a miracle? To me, a miracle is an act of God that glorifies His name and spreads the faith. Whether these are natural or supernatural acts doesn't matter. And to me, miracles could be either spontaneous, or could be brought about through an agent, like a person.

Some may argue that miracles don't happen in our time, that the era of Spiritual Gifts ended with the Apostles. I don't agree. I believe that miracles are happening all around us, or could, but because we have lost sight as to the purpose of miracles, they don't. Like I said earlier, I think the purpose of miracles is to bring about God's glory. It is our fault if we don't recognize a miracle and attribute it to God.

Jesus himself was only able to perform miracles if the people had faith in him.

And great crowds came to him, bringing with them the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute, and many others, and they put them at his feet, and he healed them, so that the crowd wondered, when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled healthy, the lame walking, and the blind seeing. And they glorified the God of Israel. (Matthew 15:30, 31 ESV)

Same with the Apostles.

Now Peter and John were going up to the temple at the hour of prayer, the ninth hour. And a man lame from birth was being carried, whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple that is called the Beautiful Gate to ask alms of those entering the temple. Seeing Peter and John about to go into the temple, he asked to receive alms. And Peter directed his gaze at him, as did John, and said, "Look at us." And he fixed his attention on them, expecting to receive something from them. But Peter said, "I have no silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!" And he took him by the right hand and raised him up, and immediately his feet and ankles were made strong. And leaping up he stood and began to walk, and entered the temple with them, walking and leaping and praising God. (Acts 3:1-8 ESV)

The miracles brought about the glorification of God's name and nature. It was a healing just for the sake of healing; miracles were performed with a kingdom purpose. I think we could all use a little more faith and prayer that miracles will occur to further the Kingdom.

Living With a Goal

Reading up on my old/new church in Illinois last night, I happened upon their resource tab. One of their resources lead me to the M'Cheyne Read the Bble in a Year schedule. Program. Whatever it's called. I thought it looked manageable, especially since I can access it right onmy ipad, which I use everyday. So why not? Who wouldn't want to read the bible 1.5 times a year?

The main layout of the schedule, as I understand it, is to read the OT once in a year, and the NT and Psalms twice in the year. Each day, there are four reading sections: two from the OT, one from the NT, and one from either the Psalms or the Gospels. Make sense?

Of course there are differnt reading plans. I originally became more motivated when I discovered my second brother diligently reading through the Bible with his church/small group. They are using something that's called "The Slacker's Plan for Reading the Bible in a Year," or something to that extent. It was just so encouraging to see the change in my brother, the maturity that grew since he moved out, and I was a little jealous, to be honest. Jealous that he's learned to be in the Word, where I have never been able to dwell for an extended period of time. I mean, in 12th grade I decided to read through the Bible in its entirety. To this day, I am still only in the minor prophets.

Hopefully, this reading plan will not only set the pace for me, but the little daily checklist will help keep me accountable. I hope to post a blog on August 12, 2013 announcing my success in sticking with and completing this goal. Pray for me!

Come near to God and he will come near to you. 

Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 

Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. 

James 4:8-10

James is perhaps my favorite book of the Bible. It's so practical, so applicable, speaks straight to the heart of the matter. And though I picked these verses for my high schoolers to memorize this week, I should really take a long, hard look at my own life. 

I know I say that I want to grow in my relationship with God, and yet I do nothing to cause a change. I know I need to get my act together, that I need to really seek God, but I'm so lazy, I'm so comfortable right now that I don't do anything but make up excuses. I've been at this place enough times to know that I can't make a broad declaration of turning over a new leaf, of igniting a flame from this spark of inspiration. I know that a true desire to grow is more than sheer will-power; there must be a thirst for the word, a hunger to know him. I should want to be with God more than with any boy who may (or may not) come my way. I want my every thought consumed with God, my every action geared towards serving Him. And in order for me to get to that stage, I must sober up, really want to do this for real, and not just pay lip-service to this. 

One concrete thing that I can do towards this end is to work on the flower garden(s). I discovered last year that when I am out there pulling weeds, tending to the plants, so many Biblical truths come alive. Being out in the fresh air and warm sun somehow brings me closer to God, makes me more receptive to hearing his Word. I always have this image that, as I pull weeds from the flowerbed, I am pulling out heresies from my heart, preparing my soil for the good seed. I hope that I can keep myself disciplined enough to see this through.

Living and Loving

Last week, my mother and I were talking about us kids, and how each person has a story that defines them. She told me the stories of both of my brothers. One is fat and kind. The other has glasses and an unidentified skin condition. Then, I asked her about my story, half as a joke, half because I wanted to know what she thought of my life. All she said was that I have been so blessed in life, that I was made perfect, and yet, I don't have joy in life. I didn't say anything at the time, but I know it's true. It's something that I've been trying to ignore, something I try to cover up from others, something I try to cover up for others. But as I look back on my life, or at least, since I kept a journal, most of my entries are sad, upset, negative. I'm not a sad person, I do enjoy life, I think, but I know that I don't have joy.

I've said time and again, I'm not writing this to get pity. I'm just being honest. I want to be joyful, to be overflowing with love and peace, but I know I'm not. Only a few times have I been in that state, so I know what it's like, and I know what it's like to lack it. 

Two years ago, I took the "5 Love Languages" assessment, just for kicks. 

My scores in February 2010:                             My scores today:

3 Words of Affirmation                                      3 Words of Affirmation
7 Quality Time                                                  9 Quality Time
3 Receiving Gifts                                               5 Receiving Gifts
5 Acts of Service                                              4 Acts of Service
12 Physical Touch                                             9 Physical Touch

Some changed, some stayed the same. The high two, quality time and physical touch, are still very important to me, apparently. And as I was looking over my results from then and now, I realized that I don't spend a lot of quality time with people, nor do I receive the amount of physical touch I probably should. I do spend most of my time alone, either when I'm teaching, driving to/from lessons, waiting between lessons, or at home, when everyone else is out. That is probably why I feel largely betrayed by my friends, because we don't see each other as often as I'd like. Even my brothers; I used to talk with them all the time, hang out together, but now I hardly ever see or talk with them. I know it's just the course of life, of growing up, but still...

 I know my friends and family love and appreciate me.

I know it.

But I don't feel it.  

I know that I should be looking to God for my needs. God should be enough for me, enough to feel loved and appreciated. I know that God IS enough for me. I just don't know why I don't feel it.

Living in Prayer

Ephesians 3:20-21

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, 
according to His power that is at work within us, 
to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! 
Amen.

It is amazing how the lessons I teach in Sunday School so often apply to my own life. This week, we read letters 26 and 27 in C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters. In one of the chapters, Screwtape mentions the "Heads I win, Tails you lose" strategy against humans and prayer. In a nutshell, it's a train of thought that nullifies prayer; if the prayer is not answered, then it proves praying is ineffective, if it is answered, then it was bound to happen anyway, and praying is coincidental.

My laptop charger is very feisty. Getting on five years, sometimes there is no electric current running through the black box, especially if it was unplugged for a couple hours. Well, I had to unplug my laptop to write a paper this afternoon, and it was working fine the past couple weeks. Then, I get around to thinking about my devotion for today, so I go to plug my charger in, and of course, it's not working. Going from outlet to outlet, cleaning the prongs, nothing was working. And my devotion time was being eaten into. Then, I had the bright idea to pray about it. Pray for a laptop? Of course!

So I prayed. With conviction. Saying, "God, you are the God of everything, even electronics. Please fix whatever is going on with my charger. Please please please please please!! I know you can do it, you're God. Okay..let's try this!" I took a deep breath and went to plug it in once more time, and lo and behold...the green light lit up! It's working again!

Now, I don't mean to spiritualize everything, but..c'mon..that CANNOT be mere coincidence! As I was praying, I was picturing a tiny little cartoon demon holding onto my laptop charger, keeping it, and me, from working. I don't see demons, but I do believe in their existence, and try to picture them hiding here or there. I know this is a silly little testimony, but so encouraging in my own life, and hopefully for yours, too. Knowing we can bring the little things to God in prayer just shows how much God cares about our everyday routine. God answered my little three-second prayer in such a way, how much greater will His response be to something that we pray for all day every day?

Living with Assurance

Luke 22:31-32

Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. 
But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. 
And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.

This is the memory verse for my high schoolers this week. I especially like this verse because you can put your own name in place of Simon's, and you'll know that Jesus is praying for you, that he has your back. "Katie, Katie," "Will, Will," and so on. Isn't that such a reassuring thought? Since it is Jesus who is praying for me, for us, his prayer is powerful and will give us the strength to resist Satan. 

Also, he tells us to strengthen our brothers when we come back to his side. There is no condemnation, no reason to feel guilty for having wavered or backsliding. In fact, I think he is encourage us to use our journey to encourage others, who may or may not be on a similar journey. 

We all know what happened after this; Simon Peter denied Jesus on the night he was taken. But, he also became such a powerful apostle, such a faithful follower. What a testimony! I only hope that I can have such a story, that even though I've been going through a bit of a dry spell, that it can somehow, someday, be turned around and serve as an encouragement to others. 

Living With Confidence

Obadiah 1-9

On my multi-year task of reading through the Bible, I finally arrive at Obadiah. Trying to find relevance in the Prophets is not easy for me, without extrabiblical guides, without a Bible study, without knowing the historical context. However, I did try to see how this passage can relate in my life, and surprisingly (or not), it is relevant!

Thus says the Lord GOD concerning Edom.

Edom, the nation descended from Esau, jealous brother of Jacob/Israel.
Edom, representing the world who despises the body of Christ.

The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live...in your lofty dwelling. Though you soar aloft like the eagle, though your nest is set among the stars, from there I will bring you down, declares the LORD.

Will I not on that day, declares the LORD, destroy the wise men out of Edom, and understanding out of Mount Esau? And your mighty men shall be dismayed, O Teman.

Lately, I've been feeling a bit down about my life's accomplishments. After all this training, after all this dedication, what do I amount to? A handful of students in my private studio. A hard to reach, uninspired youth group. Few, if any, friends on whom I can count on to always be there. Living at home after a brief taste of freedom. Comparing myself to my friends who are pursuing PhDs, MDs, and JDs. Living on their own in NYC, in Hong Kong, making a difference in the world.

But with this passage, I am comforted. My anxieties are put to rest. I don't need to compare myself with others. It doesn't matter how high I go, or how far my reach is. God will, sooner or later, bring down those who don't know him; humble those who take pride in their own accomplishments. If I am "successful," it is by the Grace of God that I have that responsibility. If I am where I am now, it is by the Grace of God that I can continue to work on myself, getting ready for the future, that I am given these lives to affect.

Living in Today

Today, I realized that my spiritual life hasn't been as disciplined as I'd like, or need, it to be. I go through times when I'm fairly regularly in the Word, praying, and so forth, and (many) other times when I'm not. Excuses range from "I'm too tired," "I have no time," to "My Bible is all the way across the room, and I'm too lazy to get up and get it."

Well...enough is enough.

How can I expect to be effective for the Kingdom if I am ill equipped? I have nobody to blame for my dry spell but myself. All these years, I've been complaining about my church, how it is emotionally unhealthy, there is little to no teaching and mentoring, how I'd like to find another church but can't. The truth is, while the church is very important (VERY important), I shouldn't be expecting it to just feed me, to give me all the answers. I can't grow like that. I need to want to find God on my own. I've been a Christian all my life; I shouldn't be satisfied by staying in the church all the time. That's not what the Church is there for.

So here I am. Today, I start to continue my journey. It is my hopes that I will use this space to make note of the lessons learned, and inspirations from the Word, Spirit, and others. Here will I process my thoughts and prayers. I don't claim to have the answers, nor do I have the questions, but I need to start looking.